Date: March 26, 2020
Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me. Next, please!
What did the rat say to the cat? Nothing, cats don't talk you fucking idiot.
Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first person to walk on the sun.
My Therapist said I have a drinking problem. So I got a new Therapist.
Wife: Fred, why did you put a slug in my mother's bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.
Do you know how you keep an asshole in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!