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Free Mother's Day flowers

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Jokes Date: March 2, 2020

I can always count on the local cemetery for free Mother's Day flowers.

A fire chief died

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get into the pearly gates. He told himself, "I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line." He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in. I'm a fire chief." The angels replied, "Youll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's God, he just thinks he's a Fire Chief.

The way to a woman's heart

What the quickest way to a woman's heart? Through his chest with a knife

Iran disabling their nuclear program

Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program. When asked how much time they needed, they said, "10, 9, 8...

What did the rat say to the cat?

What did the rat say to the cat? Nothing, cats don't talk you fucking idiot.

Elon Musk discovery

Elon Musk: It was recently discovered that Pluto is not actually a dog.

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