Date: March 11, 2020
My cat just sneezed directly into my eyeballs so I'll probably be dead soon. Goodbye, guys. No, you can't have my stuff.
COVID-19 isolation statistics: confirmed cases: 0, deaths: 0, divorces: 1000.
Happy New Year! Welcome to 20!
I reply to ""Happy New Year"" with ""not if I have anything to do with it.
Every year I make a resolution to change myself... this year I am making a resolution to be myself!.....Happy new year 2020..
Kids - there is no Santa. Those gifts were from your parents. Happy New Year from Wikileaks
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE: It takes 24,637 bolts to put a car together, but only one nut to spread it all over the road. Don't Drink & Drive!
What the quickest way to a woman's heart? Through his chest with a knife
Black olives matters. This is not a conspiracy theory. The antioxidant nutrients in black olives impede this oxidation of cholesterol, thereby helping to prevent heart disease. Olives do contain fat, but it's the healthy monounsaturated kind, which has been found to shrink the risk of atherosclerosis and increase good cholesterol.
How many apples grow on trees? All of them