Date: March 17, 2020
Breakthrough vaccine for COVID-19 has been found....eat two cloves of garlic every day. It's useless, doesn't kill the virus, but keeps everyone who can transmit it to you... a safe distance away!
Chemistry stated that alcohol is a solution.
I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get into the pearly gates. He told himself, "I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line." He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in. I'm a fire chief." The angels replied, "Youll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's God, he just thinks he's a Fire Chief.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, ""Bang!
Too bad Boris Johnson never watched Home Alone. It could have been a real game-changer.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So, I'm off to find a bar with a mirror.