Date: March 5, 2020
Chuck Norris's tears cure coronavirus... Too bad he has never cried.
Elon Musk: It was recently discovered that Pluto is not actually a dog.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and burn them. Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
My wife Googled "how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly COVID-19 virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but now I understand how pandemics start.
Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up!